Border Patrol Stories
Vibora!
I was working a dayshift in the Morelos Dam area with Alex Bedoya. Alex had been my Spanish Instructor at the Academy and was one of the funniest human beings I've ever met. His sense of humor made learning Spanish something to look forward to and enjoy for our lowly "Group 4" (totally illiterate in Spanish or any other known language) students. The guys who were bounced from the Academy for flunking Spanish almost always came from Group 4, and Alex got a lot of us through with decent grades. You had to pay close attention in class, or you'd miss the jokes. His sense of humor also made him a phenomenal journeyman agent because he could instruct and teach without overtly teaching or instructing, and it was easy to soak up his lessons.
So, this day we're bouncing along the Colorado River by Morelos Dam when Alex yells "WHOA!", slamming on the brakes, slewing the Ram Charger to the right, while at the same time smoothly drawing his .357 Magnum and popping a round (BOOM!!) out the driver's window! Perplexed, I follow Alex as he reholsters and leaps out - and there in the road is a very large rattlesnake writhing like crazy with half its head missing. An impressive 10-yard shot.
We were fixin' to admire the large snake when the dispatcher gives us a sensor hit just to the south, so off we go. As luck would have it, we drive a little over half a mile south, and there are 3 aliens standing on the sensor. That's about as easy as it gets. Headed north again with the 3 aliens in the back, we only get about 100 yards when Alex shrieks "VIBORA!", slamming on the brakes, slewing the Ram Charger to the right, while at the same time smoothly... Well, you get the idea. This time I was just able to jam my fingers in my ears a nanosecond before the "BOOM!!" part. Almost before the first gunshot echoes had returned, Alex is driving north at breakneck speed for half a mile until he once again slammed on the brakes, etc., etc., and jumps out, where he points proudly to a very large rattlesnake writhing like crazy with half its head missing. The 3 guys in the back are more than a little bit impressed and are oooo-ing and ahhhhh-ing with compliments like "pistolero famoso" and "John Wayne".
This was the closest I've ever come to pissing myself trying not to laugh. Luckily, there was a nearby bush.
Even decades later, I can remember what it was like to peruse a newly posted weekly schedule and realize, "Hot damn, I'm working with Alex!"
So, this day we're bouncing along the Colorado River by Morelos Dam when Alex yells "WHOA!", slamming on the brakes, slewing the Ram Charger to the right, while at the same time smoothly drawing his .357 Magnum and popping a round (BOOM!!) out the driver's window! Perplexed, I follow Alex as he reholsters and leaps out - and there in the road is a very large rattlesnake writhing like crazy with half its head missing. An impressive 10-yard shot.
We were fixin' to admire the large snake when the dispatcher gives us a sensor hit just to the south, so off we go. As luck would have it, we drive a little over half a mile south, and there are 3 aliens standing on the sensor. That's about as easy as it gets. Headed north again with the 3 aliens in the back, we only get about 100 yards when Alex shrieks "VIBORA!", slamming on the brakes, slewing the Ram Charger to the right, while at the same time smoothly... Well, you get the idea. This time I was just able to jam my fingers in my ears a nanosecond before the "BOOM!!" part. Almost before the first gunshot echoes had returned, Alex is driving north at breakneck speed for half a mile until he once again slammed on the brakes, etc., etc., and jumps out, where he points proudly to a very large rattlesnake writhing like crazy with half its head missing. The 3 guys in the back are more than a little bit impressed and are oooo-ing and ahhhhh-ing with compliments like "pistolero famoso" and "John Wayne".
This was the closest I've ever come to pissing myself trying not to laugh. Luckily, there was a nearby bush.
Even decades later, I can remember what it was like to peruse a newly posted weekly schedule and realize, "Hot damn, I'm working with Alex!"
Vibora!
Help spread the word!
